There is both a warmth and a poison in the devotion to creation. I’m not referring to any collective measures. I’m referring to a simple method, an almost murderous method. I will explain it abstractly first, then go on to address expression in terms of reality.

I remember coming home from school. It started during the end of grade school and the beginning of highschool. I would store all the collected horror of school, literally in my physicality, then I would get home and turn to whatever devices I had managed to acquire into a five hour recording session. I started out with using one tape recorder, then evolving to two tape recorders, maybe even three, if I borrowed someone else’s… I used whatever I could find. This was the early 90’s… so keyboards we’re not really accepted, if you can imagine that… Musically the world had just come out of a late 80’s burst of dance-pop that was almost sliced away, the minute a band like Nirvana stepped in. It’s a strange concept to think about… but, at least in the US, you had to have a guitar player, if not two, a drummer, a bass player… and a singer, with or without guitar…. You could still be Depeche Mode, but you would ultimately stay on the outskirts and never get picked up…. I did what I could, originally with almost nothing… I wrote complex guitar tracks, somewhere in-between Polvo, Metal, and Nirvana, with a lot of Sonic Youth sprinkled on top. Because I didn’t have a band, at first, or a professional means to record, I created odd approaches to recording. I had this small fischer-price radio that had a tiny microphone attached to it, so you could either sing over the top forty hits on the radio, or simply sing without music. It sounded distorted. I found that really appealing and I would, quite difficulty, use putty to adhere the mic to the top of my guitar, while I tried to keep the speaker in the needed distance from the tape recorder to balance out with the shity amp I had. But it worked… And in time, I would start with drum tracks I would record on one tape recorder, usually using some sort of drumsticks, which were cheap enough to buy on their own and combine them with metal cookie containers and large bird seed containers… I’d get a steel treble sound and then, if I muffled the bird seen container enough, a good base drum sound. It was all about innovation, determination, and getting all the hell of normal life out into something beyond myself….

I’ll write about my move to 4 track soon… back in the 90’s, the different stages of music I went through, and the insane joy writing albums of songs on a regular basis….


dream wildly,


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